I was going to start this blog by apologizing in advance for what I'm about to say, however now I realize I just don't care if I offend anyone. I am tired of people giving their kids stupid names. I'm not talking about someone with a name that just has a different spelling like Brian or Bryan. I'm talking about people who name their kids Shonn instead of Sean.
What the hell is the matter with people? You have idiots naming children after fruit like Chris Martin (I still love you band) and Gwyneth Paltrow (where have you gone?) naming their kid Apple. For the love of science! But even that isn't as bad, in my opinion, as naming your child a regular name but spelled like you clearly have no grasp on the English language. I haven't met a Fillup or a Raburt yet, but I'm sure one day I will.
Can someone please get these parents a dictionary or hooked on phonics? I work with a woman, if you work with her also just remember I don't dislike her, I just think her name is dumb, whose name is Saffiyyah. I will type that again lest you think I had a seizure while typing it the first time. Her name is not Sophia...it is Saffiyyah. What the fuck! If you are writing out the birth certificate and the parents go "We want to name our baby Saffiyyah" you have only one response "No". No you cannot name your fucking daughter that, what is the matter with you?!?!
I'm also enraged by people with names such as Jamarcus, Desean, Lashawn, etc. When did it become perfectly acceptable to just add a Ja, De, La at the beginning of a name. I'm glad I'm not a teacher because if Jarobert walked into my class I'd have to tell him to leave and not come back until his name was Robert.
"Jordan stop it, you're being racist"...am I? I don't think I am. I don't think race comes into play here. Just ask Jason Lee's son Pilot Inspektor or perhaps Bronx Mowgli Wentz. No race isn't the issue, ignorance is and ignorance my dear readers, does not care what color you are.
I’ve often wondered how these folks come up with these names. My theory is that they open up a Scrabble set, remove the tiles, put them in a bag, shake it up and then start pulling out random letters to make names. “OK, here we go. We’ve got V-N-H-Q-E-Y-V. Which can also spell… QHEVVYN (pronounced, Kevin)! And for good measure, let’s throw an apostrophe in there to really jazz things up. Annnnd hellooo Q’HEVVYN!”
ReplyDeleteP.S. – You also forgot to mention the emergence of the apostrophe as substitute for letters and common sense.
OK, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. My father had a patient named "La-a." How would you pronounce that? "La Uh" was my first guess.
ReplyDeleteNope.
Jordan, meet "LaDASHa."