I have had the unfortunate honor of attending numerous funerals. I have attended both Jewish and Christian funerals. I have been to Jewish unveiling ceremonies and I have been to wakes. Suffice it to say, my suit sees more cemeteries than ballrooms.
At a funeral I do more than just grieve for the person I have lost, I also do a lot of thinking. I can't help, and I just assume it must be human nature, to start thinking of my own mortality. I don't stop there, I also think about how I'd like my funeral to be held and what I'd like done with my body.
As I've mentioned in a previous post, I was born Jewish but do not practice. Lauren, my wife, is Catholic. This would seem to put a snag in joint burial plots. This got me thinking about alternate final resting places for my body. Cremation could be cool; so could turning my body into mulch (which I read in the book Stiff by Mary Roach).
What is more pressing to me would be the ceremony, more so than what is done with my body. I sit and listen to Rabbis and Priests drone on and on about stuff that I have zero interest in and to be honest I don't want it. I don't want some guy that never met me talking about my soul resting on a cloud with wings or whatever shit they'll come up with. I think it's bullshit and I don't want it. I think it would be much nicer to have a BBQ.
Prop me up near the grill in a Jets jersey or a Yankee cap and everyone have a good 'ole time at the park. Instead of some idiot talking about God's plan, I'd rather one of my friends drinking a beer and talking about the time I did or said something stupid. People always say that you should celebrate the life of the recently deceased but no one ever does it. We all wear dresses and suits and sit uncomfortably while drinking coffee or eating fruit or something.
I want a celebration when I go. Crack open a beer, eat a couple of burgers and hot-dogs, and have a good time. Why the fuck not? You only live once.
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