This is Art?

Today Lauren and I went to see the Tim Burton exhibit at MoMA. I've enjoyed his movies and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed his art work. I would attempt to describe his work in detail here but I am not an artist myself, nor do I know how to express what it is he does on a cogent manner to do it justice. What I will say is that if you enjoy his movies and the odd almost gothic look of them, you'd really enjoy this exhibit (which closes tomorrow, 4/26/10, and is more than likely sold out).

This was not the only exhibit at the famous MoMA, another prominent artist's work was on display, however I'm not sure how comfortable I am calling it art. Most people have been referring to it as "the naked exhibit" because it does have live naked people on display. It is an exhibit featuring the art of Marina Abramović, I'm not going to go into detail as to who she is because that is why we have Google and Wikipedia, though I will comment on a few bits of her work.

The first time you see her work when you walk into the museum is actually seeing her. It is an exhibit called The Artist is Present, and she is sitting in a wooden chair wearing a full length single color dress and staring across the table at anyone who wants to sit and be apart of the exhibit. Right from the get-go I'm already scratching my head. What about this is art? What is she trying to say and is it anything worth listening to? The visitor is allowed to do what they want but generally they do exactly what she is doing, sitting, staring across the table and not talking. They claim you can do whatever you want, a part of me wanted to wait in line to be able to sit there and talk about the NFL draft with her and see what her feelings were on the Jets trading Leon Washington for a 5th round pick, but I did not.

The next part of her exhibit is upstairs and is contains nudity, hooray! This was the most uncomfortable nudity I have ever witnessed. I wonder if that was the point, because as I walk into the room containing a nude woman on a wall with a square spotlight on her I'm completely baffled as to what to do. I don't want to make eye contact with her because what am I going to do, smile and say "hey"? Perhaps that is the point.

She has other work that does not involve nudity and are equally baffling. There is a 20 minute video of her eating a raw onion and lamenting about life. I'm not sure what the difference would be if I filmed myself eating a cupcake and talking about the weather, but what do I know? There is another video of her and her collaborator at the time yelling at each other, which is next to a video of them making out, which is around the corner from a video of her screaming while laying on a bed upside down. Confused yet?

The difficulty I have with this is that I'm not sure I would call it art. You can argue that my definition of art is narrow minded, which might be true. I have a very set definition in my head of what constitutes art, or at the very least what I believe constitutes art. To me, watching a nude man run into a giant rubber band until he can't go any further and then running back where he started and doing it all over again ad infinitum, this is not art.

In the end art is subjective and this is only one man's opinion. However, I can't help but think any one can do what this woman does, as long as they can do so with a straight face and come up with a convincing background story as to what it means. With that being said, come see my modern art exhibit which will be me laying in bed trying to fall asleep while explaining why I've never seen a Mighty Duck movie.

Is It Safe?

If there is a God I hope that she is a black, midget, lesbian. Basically it was the only thing I could think of that would really screw with all those ignorant scumbags who use the bible to persecute. What I'm really trying to say is it that this blog will have zero cohesion and might piss a person or two off.

I'm a firm believer in cruel and unusual punishment, I'd like for us to do away with the 8th Amendment. Nothing would make me happier than the brutal sodomizing of someone who killed another person because he or she was gay. Perhaps the forcible removal of a child molesters genitals with rusty pliers while they watch the Wiggles.

There are a few people in this world who if I saw them get hit by a car I'd get a good hearty belly laugh out of it. To further my point, if I saw a man get hit by a car while walking their dog I'd run to make sure the dog was okay first. I might not even get over to the guy to be honest.

I honestly like when I offend people. They say you get more bees with honey but that doesn't make any sense because I believe they are more interested in pollen. I get a rush when I know I've hit a nerve and it takes all of my will power not to continue poking at it.

I promise my next post will actually be coherent.

I Remember When You Were a Secretary

Looking at the calendar that we keep on our fridge I stumbled upon something that enraged me. April 21st used to be Secretary's Day, only that isn't the case anymore. No, it isn't even Administrative Assistant's Day. April 21st is Administrative Professional's Day! Are you fucking kidding me?

I am so tired with the PC world we live in where within a 20 year time span a person can go from being a Secretary to being an Administrative Professional. Two different names, same goddamn job, only one makes it sound like you do more important stuff than bring the boss his coffee and tell him he has a meeting at 3. When did this happen? When did people start making their job titles sound more important then they really are and when did sane people start letting them?

Do you know who picks up my trash? Not a Garbage Man but a Sanitational Engineer! I swear to science I wish I was making this up. How did someone get away with making this change? You pick up garbage, you work with garbage, you are a Garbage Man (and not Garbage Person, when was the last time you saw a woman on the back of one of those trucks?).

Did you know that the man or woman who creeps out your kids at school and puts sawdust on their throw up isn't a Janitor? Nope, he just provides Janitorial Services to the school. Also, the person who shows me how to inflate the life vest under my seat should I need it is a Flight Attendant and not a Stewardess. I'm literally making myself furious typing this blog.

When did our lives become hijacked by this high falutin bullshit language? It had to be within the last 20 years because I'm only 27 and I clearly remember a time before all this horse shit began. This was probably developed by the same people who told 500 pound messes of human waste that it wasn't their fault food is so good, and maybe they should sue the fast food joint.

I hate people...

Stop Crying or I Will Give You Something to Cry About

I love melancholy music. I love it about as much as Ben Roethlisberger loves co-eds, octogenarians love Atlantic City and Jews love a good deal. There is something so visceral about a song that really hits on what it feels like to be hurting.

This realization of my affinity towards gut wrenching songs regarding love, loss, heartache and pain came while I was listening to the new CD I bought by The Airborne Toxic Event. I bought the CD after listening to the song "Sometime Around Midnight" which is about seeing your ex at a bar/club and seeing them happy with someone new. The pain in the words and the music accompanying them struck a cord somewhere in me.

I can just sit here and ramble off songs like: "I want you" by Elvis Costello, "Glass" by Ingrid Michaelson, "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (I know it is by NIN but I prefer this version), "Gathering Dust" by David Gray, "All for Layna" by Billy Joel, etc.

I think what it is about these songs, and the others I just didn't list, is that in my opinion, pain in all its forms is such a translatable feeling. What I mean is, conveying pain is something that is incredibly relatable, we all have been there, so it is easier to share that through music, movies, books, etc.

Basically I like being bummed out, for whatever psychological reason you can think of.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

I have had the unfortunate honor of attending numerous funerals. I have attended both Jewish and Christian funerals. I have been to Jewish unveiling ceremonies and I have been to wakes. Suffice it to say, my suit sees more cemeteries than ballrooms.

At a funeral I do more than just grieve for the person I have lost, I also do a lot of thinking. I can't help, and I just assume it must be human nature, to start thinking of my own mortality. I don't stop there, I also think about how I'd like my funeral to be held and what I'd like done with my body.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I was born Jewish but do not practice. Lauren, my wife, is Catholic. This would seem to put a snag in joint burial plots. This got me thinking about alternate final resting places for my body. Cremation could be cool; so could turning my body into mulch (which I read in the book Stiff by Mary Roach).

What is more pressing to me would be the ceremony, more so than what is done with my body. I sit and listen to Rabbis and Priests drone on and on about stuff that I have zero interest in and to be honest I don't want it. I don't want some guy that never met me talking about my soul resting on a cloud with wings or whatever shit they'll come up with. I think it's bullshit and I don't want it. I think it would be much nicer to have a BBQ.

Prop me up near the grill in a Jets jersey or a Yankee cap and everyone have a good 'ole time at the park. Instead of some idiot talking about God's plan, I'd rather one of my friends drinking a beer and talking about the time I did or said something stupid. People always say that you should celebrate the life of the recently deceased but no one ever does it. We all wear dresses and suits and sit uncomfortably while drinking coffee or eating fruit or something.

I want a celebration when I go. Crack open a beer, eat a couple of burgers and hot-dogs, and have a good time. Why the fuck not? You only live once.

Is George Michael Right?

Do you "gotta have faith"? Millions of people believe that you do, that faith and religion are the cornerstones for morality, beauty, kindness and good will. However, there are those who would disagree, those who believe one doesn't need faith or religion to be a good person, and that religion, faith, God; they're just funny little stories about things that happened a long time ago...like Star Wars.

I was born into a Jewish household, I celebrated the holidays and had a bar-mitzvah. In college I began to question my belief system, like many do. I read up on Catholicism and even gave it serious consideration. However by the time my four years at Rutgers were over, I did not emerge as a Jew for Jesus, a Catholic, or as a young man with a stronger belief in Judaism. Nope, I emerged as an Agnostic.

Why Agnostic and not Atheist? I've given that some thought and much like I was never able to fully put 100% of myself into a given religion, I can't put a full 100% of myself into the firm believe that there is no higher power. I don't believe in signs or markings. I can't point to events in my life where only one set of footprints were in the sand, because it was then that I was being carried (I chuckled typing that).

I like to think of myself as a good person (hear me out). Though I talk a big game I still hold doors for people, have given up my seat to the elderly, smile whenever I hear a baby laugh, etc, etc. I'm not the anti-christ (cause there never was a Christ?) and I don't worship Satan (seriously, red guy with horns?). I don't need religion to be a good person. I don't need faith to know what the right or wrong thing is. Do you know how many wrong things were done in the name of religion? To name a few off the top of my head: Spanish Inquisition, The Crusades, 9/11, the killing of Matthew Shepard & George Tiller, etc, etc.

I'm not attacking religion, and I don't sit at Barnes and Noble by the religion section scoffing at anyone picking up a Left Behind book. The fact is I don't know and I believe I may never know. The idea of faith is a nice one, and I always feel that it must be very comforting during difficult times, but it was always during difficult times that I found it even harder to have faith. When things are hurtling out of control I believe that is the time you need to dig in deeper within yourself, not let yourself go to the will of God, Yahweh, Jesus, Muhammad (please don't kill me), Buddha, or anyone else.

Do you "gotta have faith"? Maybe in yourself but not necessarily in a higher power.